Boundaries – a line that marks a limit of an area

In my personal self development journey, and now working with my clients, I have learnt how important it is to set healthy boundaries.

The aim is to live in our authentic truth, seeking inner peace and moving in a flow state. To work towards, practice and cultivate feeling and processing our emotions. Communicating our desires and needs. To make this commitment to ourselves and to listen to our inner voice or intuition.
Why is this so hard? Mainly because most of us have tendencies towards perfectionism, people pleasing, avoiding conflict, fears of rejection or abandonment, being too worried about what other people think and having a negativity bias.

How can we help ourselves set healthy boundaries?
– Good Habits. Start with ourself. Making change by stacking good habits and self care. This might look like exercising five times a week, drinking alcohol at weekends only or turning our phones off at 9pm every night. Creating a secure and consistent internal environment. Building momentum by creating this form of self care.
– Introspection to know what boundaries we need. Lean into the uncomfortable to gain self awareness. Feel and process our emotions. Try journaling on the following. What makes us feel triggered? What behaviours do we need to change? What negative tendencies do we have? What frustrates us? What makes us feel sad? What gives us joy? When do we feel loved? What are we afraid of? What makes us feel pain? Why? What needs are not being met? What do we need and want? Why? Which people make us feel good? Who makes us feel bad? Who are the drains? who are the fountains in our life? Why? What can you give yourself? Try seeing yourself, your issues, as if it were your friend. What advice would you give them?
– Communication. Once you are clear on your needs you can make sure you respect your own boundaries. By meeting your own needs and communicating to others what limits you have, how you want to be treated and what is not acceptable. Clear and honest communication. This may take practice but practice makes permanent. Start small and assert yourself. Step into your power. Keep promises to yourself. Role play, practicing saying No without apologising, think about how you will phrase telling people you are not available or do not accept certain types of behaviour.
The alternative of not setting boundaries within relationships is not having your needs met, creating distance and resentment within the relationship. Expectations need to be talked about, having hard conversations takes a level of vulnerability which will help your connection grow within the relationship.
– For Relationships where boundaries are crossed or repeatedly disrespected and communication is lost you may need to walk away or create distance in the relationship. It can be hard if this is a family member but listen to your inner voice, you will know what you need to do.

– For some people awareness of Limiting Beliefs is not enough they may need these to be worked on with a coach or therapist alongside creating boundaries.

Knowing our core values can help us uncover our needs. Freedom is an important value for me. I know I need alone time scheduled into my week. It gives me much needed reflection time which gives me the energy and patience for my relationships.
– What boundaries do you need to start practicing? What will they give you?